Mask
by RunXRun
Summary: Loki while in his prison.


He screamed. He screamed until his throat hurt and his voice was hoarse. He screamed words of hopelessness and words for anger. He screamed how much he hated himself, how much he couldn't control the thoughts in his head.

No one heard though.  
No one hears the villain.

And even if they did, why should they care? Why take pity on a man who has so much red on their hands? Why hear the sob story of a man who could take a life as easily as one takes a breath? Why would anyone care? Why should they?

But there had always been one who did. One who could see the good in anything, even the man trapped behind the glass. He would give chance after chance, would speak kind words to him, would reassure him that he was equal, that he was loved. He was always there for him, when no one else wanted to be.

But even the kindest people have their limits, and Loki had pushed Thor's one too many times.

At first Loki was fine with that. His hatred had stemmed from Thor, and what do people do when they have a problem? Eliminate it. Thor's kindness started to fuel his anger, and he could easily talk himself into believing that he truly did hate Thor. But the anger vanished when he looked into Thor's eyes, and he knew he had to pretend.

Pretend to hate Thor, to hate Odin. He had to pretend he hated everyone, not for their sake, but for his. Be so bad that they have no choice but to stop trying with you. He built a mask for this. A mask that told the world that he hated his golden brother. A mask that he would wear around Thor. He'd shout "You're not my brother!" while silently begging Thor to hear "Please help me, I'm so lost."

After awhile he stopped knowing what his goal was, but he knew he was in too deep. He had told Thor that on top of Stark tower. He felt the bubbling of guilt, the whisper of regret. He felt it all, and he had stabbed Thor to stop those emotions from seeping into his pores. No point in feeling those things, nothing he could do about it.

Odin had locked him away in this glass room, and Loki didn't put up a fight. Didn't see a point, really. What was he to do? Ask for forgiveness? Even Loki could see he didn't deserve such a thing, and he refused to let the last bit of dignity he had slip away.

But once he was in there, he was allowed to take his mask off. He was allowed to sit and think about all the things he had done, all the things he had caused. He was allowed to whisper that he missed Thor, that he loved him. He was allowed to mutter how he was scared, how his fate was determined, that he couldn't help himself.

His whispering turned into groans. The pain in his chest grew. The way Thor stopped looking at him with love haunted his dreams. He had time to think about how he had no right to feel this way, that he was a monster and he shouldn't feel sorry for himself. He caused this, no one else.

Eventually the groans turned into screams. His thoughts ate away the layer of anger he still held for Odin. They repeated over and over, making sure Loki knew this was one hole he couldn't talk himself out of. They reminded him that he didn't even deserve the comfort of this glass room, that he deserved to be thrown to the Jotuns, or left with S.H.I.E.L.D.

He would beg to be killed, but just like his screams, he went unheard.

When his throat hurt too much to talk, when he was sure he had torn his vocal cords, he stopped. He sat in silence, letting his thoughts win. He'd stare down at his feet, but never actually seeing them. He'd let his thoughts take him on adventures to people screaming and Thor shaking his head down at him with "No, Loki." spilling from his lips with such disappointment Loki could feel it physically.

Loki heard the doors open. He heard the heavy footsteps. He felt the presence of something great, and when Loki thought of greatness, he thought of Thor.

He put his mask back on.

"You must be truly desperate to come to me for help."  
"You should know that when you betray me, I will kill you."

Loki knew that Thor had given up on him, but he had never been able to prove it. Thor's use of when had taken out Loki's last hope of forgiveness from Thor.

So he smirked, and kept his mask firmly in place.

"When do we start?"


End file.
